Hi, guys, I’m the new one.
And I am a gear addict.
Shiny shiny, shiny new models everywhere.
Wherever I look, someone presents the latest and greatest, the must-haves of the minute. I am sitting at my desk feeling bad. Bad about neither having the objects of my desire nor the money to buy them. Thinking that I will not achieve what I want to achieve without having them.
Spiraling that until I don’t know anymore what else I ever wanted than buying gear.
Buying more gear.
Not actually doing anything with gear, because I’m searching for gear. Looking at gear. Longing for gear. Craving for gear.
I got no time to go out using the stuff I got.
Because I’m a gear addict.
A broke gear addict.
Ok, to be fair, I was not there.
At least not completely.
But the tendencies were written on the wall and into my balance.
So my creativity went down the sewer.
Don’t get me wrong: gear is not the creativity killer.
It’s the idea to be only able to be creative with certain gear.
And that, my friends, is the exact opposite of creativity.
Nothing limits creativity more than this idea. At least for me.
Nothing gets more into the way of actually being creative.
During the last few months, I started to drift away from my targets, lost all I wanted to achieve with my channel out of sight.
Fair enough, I learned a lot. Theoretically.
In real life, I stood still.
Worse. I sat still.
Sure, I could go out and start filming. But without a gimbal? Without that super lightweight tripod?
And there may be no chance at all to get the shot framed without a 0.95 Leica lens. On a four grand body of course. The sound will be certainly shitty without having at least a four-track recorder, three mics, and a boom stick. Not to mention the necessity of light in all variations clamped to the military-grade rig.
But will it be enough? It’s only 4k and that could be a bummer. Ok, I never graded raw footage, but that’s not the point.
How much was this used Arri Alexa on eBay again?
I guess most of you know that. There’s always something better and there’s always something new.
And if not – it will be released soon. So, it’s time to talk about the specs now. Or at least about the rumored specs.
I really don’t want to criticize any channel by any means. There are fantastic reviewers making great content I love to watch. And some of them make their living from it, all my respect for that. I would be happy to get a little gig for a shooting.
But one thing for sure: did you ever see one of the guys building and benchmarking gaming PCs actually play? Like real gaming, not only playing some shooter for 10 seconds to see the frame rate.
The same effect seems to be present on some photo channels: does their review gear ever leave their YouTube studio? I doubt it. Maybe an insurance issue? Or maybe they changed gearing up with shooting? I don’t know, and it’s not my part to judge.
But there’s one thing I know for sure: that’s not me. At least not now, hopefully never. I won’t feel the joy of shooting, of wandering around, looking for frames, and the beauty of the moment.
I want to come home, slide the card in the slot, have a mug of coffee and see my pictures and footage. I don’t care if don’t have the latest and greatest, I want to master what I have before I move on.
And I am a one-woman show without a car. That’s where reality kicks in. I can’t carry all this stuff. And I certainly can’t use it at the same time. It is simply not possible, not for me at least.
Guess I’m repeating myself: don’t get me wrong. Of course, gear does matter. There are tasks that definitely ask for certain technology to make it happen. I couldn’t shoot a blockbuster with my camera and I could not record the sound with my microphone for it. I could not edit 8k footage with my computer and I could not render high-end CGI on it.
But you know what: even if I would have a Hollywood studio with all the big boys’ toys in it, I still could not shoot a blockbuster.
Because I have no clue how to do it. I simply lack the ability, knowledge, and necessary skills.
And I don’t want it.
Oh yes, I would love to take part for a day or two to smell the air and get the feeling. But that’s not my dream career. I’m old enough to take shorter steps.
So, what do I want?
I want to make my channel, create content I love – which hopefully will be loved by you.
I want to create and make art.
I feel that I’m on a great journey, now that I have chosen the solo creator pathway.
It feels right, it feels good, and there’s so much to learn and see out there.
Forgot that I’m a gear addict? I’m not the handbag type, I’m the daypack type.
I want to play with all the gear I can get.
Really get, physically get here on my desk in my hands. Bought it with my money.
But I won’t get driven by gear. I’m back in the driver’s seat for good.
Ok, I’m open for donations, review specimens, and all the other goodies. But my subscriber counter sets a natural limit to that. So, if you want me to review the latest Leica, hit the button and the bell.
Until that shows any effect, you got to get along with my cheap and cheerful solutions, vintage goodies, and weird cheapos.
Deal? If so, I hope you enjoyed my confession.
See you next time for another step deeper into my nerdy world of a woman and her camera gear.